Author Topic: What Makes a Jester Tick  (Read 1839 times)

Offline Ace

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What Makes a Jester Tick
« on: Sep 02, 2011, 09:02 AM »
I'm still short of cash, but figured I could help maintain and grow the site through my selfless contribution of a free poast.  To better understand what makes a Jester tick, I thought I'd ask him; I just saw him on my leg a minute ago...

I might repeat some I've said before; I do suffer from short term memory loss.  I can open a drawer or cupboard and stand there and wonder why.  I also have long-term memory loss; I don't even remember being born.  I'm doing pretty well with medium-term memory:  I can get my keys and walk to my car in a minute or so and remember I wanted to drive, somewhere.

Here's what he could offer as personal foibles, grievances and irritations:

* I already noted I despise the faux-French Nasonex bumble bee.  Another gross stupidity are commercials showing take out buckets of food; typically chicken, and typically Col. Sanders, that are filled over the top edge with chicken piled high.  Meaning you couldn't put a lid on the thing unless you sat on it to press it down first.  I'm all for suggesting you get a lot, and more than you deserve, but that's just stupid.  Starbucks should show a cup of coffee filled over the brim.

* Despite being somewhat repulsed by Activia commercials, I'm really mystified by the quart size I saw at the grocery the other day.

* I saw a photo of Elton John, and he's gotten really large.. apparently it's baby fat.

* I saw a photo of Sinead O'Connor, who's also quite big and has a black mullett.  That is so many shades of wrong...

* I think Ida Jenshun is really cute and talented enough, and a good example of how this site exposes us to things we might not come across otherwise.  But I'm still not getting the accent, and how it's replaced by a twang when she sings.

* I feel every star-making show has failed to deliver, and in its mission.  The latest is America's Got Talent filled with these ensemble group finalists of dancer/gymnast/acrobats.  No single simple talented person, and really who is gonna watch one of these except for Cirque de Soleil?  I watched "The Voice", but criminy that was just a promotion of the judges as each took the stage more than the contestants and the whole thing always included somebody in a "duet."  Since most duets are somebody singing with someone who's died, that really isn't something to concentrate on.

* Most are known for blowing it on their "winners" - based on the losers.  Jackie Evancho lost.  Idol is filled with lucky losers; and tell me anyone is ever going to remember or hear back from that country guy who won this year.  (or the guy from last year. Or the one from the year before that).  I did see a cut of Susan Boyle, doing more of a "dramatic reading" than actually singing.  That was pretty scary as it seems she's lost it, if she ever had it.

* is "Samba Pa Ti" to be taken literally?  Pa-Ti down.

* It is inconsequential, unless somebody useful gets needlessly injured.  And way too many and too long.  But I would rather watch meaningless football than basketball or baseball that "counts."

* The whole "global warming" thing is bogus, and made-up fiction by scientists and people on the take with investments in green technology and new energy.  Proven by the ice caps not melting that dang much and todays Sept. temps of upper 90's in Michiana and the lack of sudden severe weather systems that we don't experience, like we're having some sudden rush of tornados or hurricanes or earthquakes. 

* Those might be more on the theory Pat proposed, as far as the "God's Out To Get You" if not Mother Nature.  If so, I'm trying to figure where I can hide.

* Tomorrow's Fighting Irish opener here will be in the 90's.  I wonder what temp gold melts at.

* I love those "sell your gold and silver!" commercials.  First off, every one of those places are among the most unwelcome, unfriendly, distasteful establishments around; the security gates, counter thugs, baleful glares, shoulder shrugs...  If I could learn alchemy and turn silver plate into silver maybe I'd be more inclined to visit.

* You know, with football players selling rings and personal items and jerseys and stuff, I sure hope the Irish don't have someone trying to cash in their helmet...  Or scavengers trying to lift the dome.

* I'd invite Pat over again for a margarita, but I'm gonna swear off those for awhile... I tried them again but I really think Tequila is a hallucinogen.  Or one of those knock-out drugs guys slip into a girl's drink at a bar.  except I guess I'd be the guy slipping it into his own drink, which is pretty stupid right there.

* I didn't expect Vermont to flood; I thought it was mountainous.  I guess there are valleys, too.

* I was going to do a rant on "how I hate my job" but figured 1. nobody cares, which I've found to be the case at work    I wonder if you can get a Rodney Dangerfield tee shirt, though.

* Any job, even a bad one, is better than none.  I'm good.

* I did see Lady Gagag impersonating a guy, with the black wig.  Although an improvement, it's not enough.  And Annie Lennox already did that better years ago at the Grammys.  Heck, everyone has done everything better than gagag has done.

* man, I hate to end on a bad note... and Lady Gagag is one bad note.  Oh; here's good news: The Bears and Colts both won their final preseason games.  I guess that's up there in importance with :  "U.S. signs Peace Accord with Canada."  or "Unemployment figures drop with new hiring in drug trade nationwide."  "Wall Street Calms Down and Stocks Recover as President and Congress Finally Go Away, for Awhile."  The people who decide stock prices remind me of that character Martin Short played on SNL, with the twitchy guy with the cigarette paranoid about everything...  Or somebody who actually downed the big tub of Activia.

Ace; wait for it... wait for it...



Online scuzzy

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Re: What Makes a Jester Tick
« Reply #1 on: Sep 02, 2011, 12:06 PM »
I'll begin by saying that I don't like ticks of any sort. I'm not interested in making one of those blood-sucking leeches. I don't think Johnny Cash was short, but I did like his music. Still do.

I for one can never remember anything you say (type) so don't worry about it. But I do appreciate your effort even if you forget.

I don't mind Activia in quart size, since that's how much I have to eat to get the calories I need. The problem is that I'll burn up the calories just having to eat a quart of the stuff. In that sense it seems counter productive.

I don't mind if Elton is fat. In my presumptuous opinion, he is the only person who could pull off a Beatles song better than the original (Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds). And I like the original a lot.

I never have been sure what to make of America's Got Talent, But Ain't Got No Grammar Skills. I have never had the stomach to sit through an entire show.

I never understood the "Pa Ti" following Samba. A non-Spanish speaking friend explained it's short for "para ti", which makes it "Samba For You." Duh. I should have known that.

I figure that if God's out to get me, I'm gonna lose that battle. I may as well as enjoy the ride. No doubt he (He?) gets plenty of good laughs at my expense.

I'm getting a gold crown for a molar in a couple weeks. Now the value of my life will go up and down with the commodities market. Sort of how the value of my car goes up and down with how much gas is in the tank.

I really like Malibu coconut rum on the rocks. You can invite me over for one of those anytime.

Martin Short was really funny in 3 Amigos. And Father Of The Bride.

Scuzzy; gonna eat my yogurt now.

Offline Ace

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Re: What Makes a Jester Tick
« Reply #2 on: Sep 02, 2011, 01:47 PM »
This is great.  It's like the old days; the Jester performs at the pleasure of the king and causes pain.  Mostly abdominal.

That nitwit host of America Got Talent husband of Mariah does the best mushmouthed Alfalfa impersonation since Eddie Murphy on SNL.

I could see getting a gold tooth, to display (see "ZZ Top") but if it's a molar you're going to have to grin like an idiot to impress people.  You know, Elton did the best song about a Beatle too with "Empty Garden."  For something surprising, catch Jeff Beck's "Day In The Life."

I can't do flavored rum, including spiced.  I can't do coconut anything.  I like "Mount Gay" rum, actually.  Hold your wisecracks. 

Ace; "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" was an anagram for Marijuana, I think.  Or some drug trip.  Not tequila, although Mescalaro is a suitable tribute.

Offline Bill

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Re: What Makes a Jester Tick
« Reply #3 on: Sep 02, 2011, 04:28 PM »
Well you're right, but wrong. It was LSD.  Activia tastes funny (odd) IMO.  I prefer cottage cheese with fruit, works just as well.

Bill


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Offline pat

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Re: What Makes a Jester Tick
« Reply #4 on: Sep 02, 2011, 06:05 PM »
Wait for it?

How about.......... OK, this is just too good.

Drum roll please.................

"Somebody has more time than cents."

 

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Online scuzzy

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Re: What Makes a Jester Tick
« Reply #5 on: Sep 03, 2011, 01:11 AM »
I like cottage cheese, but I'm not gonna share mine with Richard Simmons or Boy George. They can get their own.

I was getting ready to fall asleep but was awoken by pat's drum roll................ what the heck was that for? Couldn't you do a marshmallow roll instead?

I watched The Beach Boys in concert at our State Fair tonight after my wife obtained "All Access" passes for us. I noticed they're getting really old. The Beach Boys, not the passes.

Scuzzy; I passed on Selena Gomez for tomorrow night. BARRFFFF!

Offline Ace

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Re: What Makes a Jester Tick
« Reply #6 on: Sep 03, 2011, 09:22 AM »
"LSD"... I don't see where they got that from.

Hey, speaking of Pat's Eyes Without a Face - I think it was the cannibal eating a clown who said "Does this taste funny?"

I did see the Beach Boys when they were still fairly intact and original; as fans of Glen Campbell who performed and recorded with them on Brian's departure (they noted he could sing higher than any of them) he's embarking on his farewell tour, due to Alzheimers.  Oddly enough it doesn't keep him from performing, as he remembers how to do that and pretty much can on autopilot. 

Ace; "Along Comes Mary" was about cocaine, I think.  "Won't Get Fooled Again" was about not taking animal tranquilizers. 

Offline Ace

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Re: What Makes a Jester Tick
« Reply #7 on: Sep 03, 2011, 09:49 AM »
In Indiana, we feel it best not to attend State Fair performances... 

Other mysterious drug references from rock and roll:
"Cocaine" by JJ Cale performed by Eric Clapton.
the name "The Doobie Brothers" comes from the Romper Room reference.
Poppy Montgomery is an opium reference.
There haven't been any methamphetamine fueled groups, as yet.  So rotting teeth haven't become a fashion trend, as yet. 

Ace; crack cocaine got its name from the way it was smuggled into the country by plumbers.

Online scuzzy

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Re: What Makes a Jester Tick
« Reply #8 on: Sep 04, 2011, 12:24 AM »
Dang it, I missed Selena Gomez tonight for having to work. My 15-year old was there making friends with the crew by feeding them her homemade cookies. FWIW, I did prevent a poor 12-year old girl from getting to the concert since it took almost an hour to get trough the traffic ticket for her mom, who had no driving skills to speak of. When I was done, she had no license either after I confiscated it.

Being a cop, it never ceases to amaze me what people hide in their bodies. Last year we had a very obese woman sneak an unloaded 9mm into our jail under the folds of her skin. She was too fat for our metal detector. She got busted in the changing room by an observant deputy.

Scuzzy; you forgot The Poppy Family, which I attribute to your poor memory.

Offline Ace

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Re: What Makes a Jester Tick
« Reply #9 on: Sep 04, 2011, 09:01 AM »
It figures.  My tribute memorial poast turns into another job rant and clip of the Partridge Family.  You might as well run the video of "Listen to the Flower People." 

So what took an hour?  Did you give her a driving lesson, but finally gave up?  Where the heck did you go?  If you happen to bust Justin Bieber let me know; I'm ok with that.

Ace; I thought I might miss Sunday, waiting for the ND game to end.  Although actually it was over on the first drive...